Pirate Lord Page 16

  Daley had been right about one thing at least, Eli held no claim over Roselyn. If he wanted to he’d have to show it in ways better than beating up men who tried to approach her. That sort of help wasn’t always appreciated, and could be misinterpreted. Roselyn was already in a controlling relationship. Though Lily suspected Eli only sought to protect Roselyn, there were levels of protectiveness that could cross over to control. They needed to talk about their feelings. They were as bad as each other.

  Her brow creased and she almost laughed out loud as she realised Chop had said exactly the same thing about her and Tristan all those years ago. Honestly, it seemed love was never simple. It was complicated and disguised and hard to accept. They’d realise if they let it slip away though. If he let her leave, Eli would regret it. And if Roselyn did return to Merek, she’d regret it even more. Lily hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

  ~

  The sun was falling below the horizon by the time Roselyn left the seclusion of the meet room. Lily had popped in to see if she wanted to talk, only to be greeted with stormy silence, and the thud of daggers hitting the wall. They shared that habit, throwing daggers at the wall when they were frustrated or needed to think something through. She’d left her to it, spending the rest of the afternoon chasing the twins around the deck, and having them show her secret little nooks they had found. Lily feigned surprise every time – in reality there wasn’t an inch of this ship she didn’t know now. Time sailing, with no raiding, plenty of supplies, and little trouble had seen to it that she’d had plenty of time to explore.

  Irena followed her like a shadow on these impromptu adventures, leaving the twins to annoy Jim or Kilo, or just run around the decks. Lily was never worried about them when they were on the ship – there were plenty of eyes about. Her children were safe here, she didn’t have to watch them like a hawk as she did whenever they went on land. They could disappear off anywhere in the towns and cities, but on the ship, out on the ocean, they were safe.

  Irena stared at Saff, both the girl and the bird watching each other with the same intense dark stare. Lily was trying to teach her to work with the kestrel, but wasn’t having much luck. Her daughter was still young, Lily knew that, but she was clever. It didn’t matter that she didn’t want to talk, Saff didn’t require words. Lily called her attention back, and made the gesture again, watching as her daughter copied her. Irena concentrated back on Saff, and repeated the order, her tiny arm shooting out, stiff as a board. Saff cawed and soared up into the sky, back to her perch in the crow’s nest. Irena grinned as she turned back to her mother, Lily lowering her arm just in time.

  “Well done little flame.” Marco had started the nickname, and Lily found she quite liked it.

  Irena had taken quite a shine to the Westerner, Shadow crew turned Captain, despite the short time they had spent together. She was normally very wary of strangers, very suspicious. But Marco, she’d trusted almost immediately. She’d seemed quite dejected when he’d left to gather his own ships – though he’d assured her he’d be back. He’d been so sweet with her – in a way Lily hadn’t seen from Marco before. He seemed to like children, something you’d never have guessed even if you knew him.

  Lily gripped Irena’s hand as she spotted Roselyn wandering over to Eli. He hadn’t stayed long below deck, though his knuckles had been a little more bruised when he’d returned. He’d leant against the main mast, his hand cupping the blood that was still slowly dripping out of the cut in his cheek caused by the ring that Daley wore. A colourful bruise was already blossoming. Not that Daley was much better off from their brawl, still, he was lucky really that Eli had got there before Roselyn had the chance to react – they’d probably still be wiping him off the decks. Lily hadn’t told Eli off for not getting on with his work, she’d just tossed him a cloth to wipe off the worst of the blood. He was still there now, his arms folded across his chest, staring at the decks.

  Eli glanced up as Roselyn stopped before him. Lily was too far away to hear what was said, Roselyn spoke most, Eli didn’t seem to say much. Then Eli smiled. Lily had never seen him smile like that. Apparently it startled Roselyn too, for the next moment she had turned away, almost running back towards where Lily stood. But she saw that same smile mirrored on Roselyn’s face the moment before she extinguished it.

  Lily hoped her stare wasn’t as blatant as the one Irena gave Roselyn. She forced herself to plaster an easy countenance over herself. She’d made the first push, it was up to them now. Roselyn said nothing, but her expression tightened a little. Eli had already disappeared. Clearly whatever she’d said to him had made him feel better, he was back to his old self and had stopped moping. That was reassuring at least. Lily wasn’t sure what to say to an Eli in that mood. She’d never had to deal with him like that, he always managed to keep his easy smile, despite his age, despite the things he had seen, he was never morose.

  ~

  Irena was crawling around beneath a sail Kilo was fixing. Occasionally you’d see a blast of red hair, before she disappeared back under the fabric with a cackle. Lily finished the last few words of the song, her voice slipping into a low hum as she adjusted the grip on her blade. Jon and Kris were helping her prepare meat for Saff. She normally sang while she worked, but the boys kept requesting another song the moment she finished one. Her voice was growing hoarse, not that it would stop her. Lifting her arm, she wiped away a trickle of sweat and barely registered Tristan approaching until her attention was drawn to the serious look on his face. He’d been thinking.

  “Lily, can we talk?”

  “Fire away.” She hacked at another lump of meat, tossing it into the bucket.

  “Elsewhere.”

  Lily sighed, her knife slamming into the board, “Tristan, I’m busy. If it’s so important then just tell me.”

  He clenched his jaw, “Fine. I want you to return to the Island before the battle, and take the children with you.”

  The bustle around them seemed to still. She was shutting down again. She could feel herself wrapping into a protective ball, some inner part of herself hardening and refusing to bend. Tigerlily raised her eyes to Tristan’s slowly, pushing her hair out of her face. She cleared her throat, and the crew pretended to be working again. The noise rose once more. “I was under the impression we had already discussed this, and decided.”

  “This is not an ordinary raid Lily, or even a one on one, this is an all-out battle. Armada versus armada.”

  She didn’t break his gaze as she stood, her arms crossing over her chest, “Do you doubt me?”

  “Don’t start that – you know that’s not it. You’re a good pirate, a good captain, but first and foremost you are a mother.”

  Anger claimed her, “You think I don’t know that?! I’m the one whose entire life has had to change, whose very existence now revolves around them. And what do you do? You play with them, but you don’t get shut in the meet room with them. You haven’t been the one getting up every single night to deal with monsters under the bed and nightmares. You just get to sleep with the crew, and continue with your life as normal. You aren’t the one who’s teaching them how to actually survive in this world. They’d have been dead long before now if it had been left to you. I’m still the same person, I’m still Tigerlily.”

  “I know that.”

  “So let me be her!”

  Tristan stiffened, “Sometimes Lily, you make it really hard to love you.” He turned on his heel, his eyes darker, his jaw tight.

  The dagger was in her hand before she even realised. Tigerlily launched it at him. It stuck in the boards of the deck, where his foot had been a pace before. Tristan didn’t even pause. Lily took in a deep breath. Everyone was staring at her, not even bothering to pretend that they hadn’t been listening. Well, she had been yelling, how could you not have heard it?

  She sighed and leaned down to stroke Jon and Kris’s dark hair. “Go off and play boys. Thank you for helping.”

  They watched her for a moment, befo
re nodding and scampering off. Irena stared at her mother from under the broken sail. Lily watched her, silently meeting the eyes that were the twin of Tristan’s. Gradually the crew began to break off, talking and working again. Lily felt a hand on her shoulder. Chop smiled at her as she turned but she found herself unable to return it.

  “Am I so hard to love? Am I so hard to understand?”

  “Lil.”

  “It’s okay, I wasn’t expecting you to answer that.”

  Chop never had to say much. There was an understanding between them that surpassed the years they had known each other. It had always been like that; he’d known who she was from the very beginning. So had Tristan, if he bothered to think about it. She hadn’t meant she regretted having the children. They were everything to her, they were life itself. And of course she felt guilty that there were times when her wicked heart would feel trapped. She was not going to magically turn into a perfect mother. She doubted that person even existed. All she really wanted was to not feel quite so alone.

  ~

  Eli was perched atop the figurehead, a melody drifting across the decks from his flute. He was certainly calmer than earlier. He broke off mid-note, turned his gaze to her. “You’re late.”

  “Am not.”

  “You were the one who wanted to talk. You’re here last. Therefore, you’re late.”

  “Do you have to be so damn pedantic?”

  Eli grinned, hopping from his perch to land beside her. Roselyn just grumbled, resting her arms on the balustrade and looking out over the moonlit waves. It was a beautiful night. The sea was calm, the breeze was warm. Most of the crew were below deck by now, eating, drinking, or sleeping. Roselyn never liked having an audience, and Lily especially seemed keen to keep her in her sights. After losing her temper earlier the captain was understandably keeping a lower profile. Roselyn had been right to ask him to meet her now.

  She sighed, “Look, I appreciate what you did but I can stand up for myself.”

  “I didn’t hit him for you. I did it for myself. I couldn’t stand by and watch him talk to you like that. He didn’t have any right to claim you.”

  Roselyn snorted, “And you do?”

  He gripped the balustrade a little tighter. “That’s not what I said.”

  “Back where I come from the only reason men fight each other is over women. Over who gets to –” The blush was spreading. Roselyn folded her arms across her chest, digging her nails into her skin. The sleeves of her shirt rode up.

  She knew what Eli glanced at even before he mentioned it. “His mark?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why did you let him brand you like that?”

  She traced her finger over the lines of the tattoo. Whatever she thought of it now, it was skilfully done. Only the best for the Pirate Lord’s pet. “Because I love him.”

  “Love or loved?”

  Roselyn pulled her sleeve into her fist, covering the mark once more. “I’m not debating this with you.”

  Eli tucked his flute back into his pocket, shifted his stance. She had to tilt her head to meet his soft brown eyes. And when she did they were wide and honest. “You surprise me, I didn’t think there was anyone like that. Not anymore.”

  Drums started in her chest. In a heart that she’d given up on years ago. It picked the wrong man. The assassin felt the blush rising once again, noticed herself paying a lot more attention to the way Eli’s lips curved. He was watching her so closely. Intently. Roselyn caught herself and dragged her attention away from his undeniably appealing features. “Too late. I belong to him.”

  She didn’t know why she’d even suggested they meet like this, aside from wanting to assure him that she didn’t need anyone watching her back. But, though she’d had the intent of pushing him away, as usual Eli had disarmed her with little more than a look.

  ~

  Tristan stormed down the stairs of the upper deck, pausing as he heard her voice. It was her mother’s lullaby. One of the first songs he’d heard her singing. Her voice so lovely even while she’d looked like a wraith, even after those months on the slave ship. Her wrists had still been healing then. She’d told him a lot about her family since then, about the good years before her mother died. Lily’s childhood had been happy, she’d thought it wouldn’t end, and then she’d been introduced to the harsh reality of the world. He had had a similar awakening, albeit he’d been younger than she had been. Their complicated lives were similar in so many ways, and they’d somehow, against all odds, found each other. Lily was his match, his equal. Tristan couldn’t imagine his life without her. He broke free from his memories, gasping a little as if he’d been underwater. She was still singing.

  He slipped to the meet room door, leaning his ear against it. Gripping the handle gently he pulled it open. There she was, his Tigerlily, her hand entwined in Irena’s red hair, stroking it gently as she sang. Her voice was so beautiful. Tristan smiled, listened and waited. Irena’s sleepy eyelids slowly closed, and after a time Lily stopped singing. She glanced up and showed no surprise at seeing him there. She smiled and eased herself out from Irena’s clutches, propping her head up with a pillow. Tristan strode out of the shadows and helped Lily to her feet, wrapping his arms around her. Right now he just needed to hold her.

  “I’m sorry about earlier.” She whispered. “It took me a long time to figure out who I am, a long time to accept it. And I don’t want to lose her now.”

  “You don’t have to explain. I didn’t mean to make you feel like the responsibility of the children was all on your shoulders.” There was nothing else to say, so Lily stroked Tristan’s cheek and leaned in to kiss him. As she went to pull back he clutched her tighter, his breath curling around her ear as he kissed her neck, “This distance really isn’t fair you know.”

  “Fairness has nothing to do with it. I’m not having Roselyn ogled over.” She tried to keep her voice stern, keep her mind from wandering, but she’d always found him rather distracting.

  “Still, I miss you. I don’t sleep as well without you by my side.”

  Lily laughed in her throat, even as her heart pounded against her chest. “Well I’m terribly sorry to be such an inconvenience to you.”

  He leaned back enough to look at her, stripping her to her very core. Damn those eyes.

  “Lily, come on, will you make me beg?” His purr sent shivers down her spine. He drew close against her again.

  “What do you want?”

  He chuckled, his tongue sliding against her earlobe, “You know what I want.”

  “Is that all?”

  His lips grazed her collarbone as he huffed a laugh, “No. I want you completely and entirely, with every fibre of my being. I want to have you beside me until the end of days. I want to watch our children flourish, knowing that they are a part of me and a part of you. I want you to keep fighting, to keep alight the fire inside of you and even when that fire incinerates me I will still want you.”

  “You speak so prettily when you want to get me into bed – why can’t you say things like that all the time?”

  Tristan grinned that roguish grin, the one she had fallen in love with. “Because then they wouldn’t work.”

  “You’re lucky I love you.”

  “You’re lucky I love you more.”

  Lily met his eye, her expression turned serious, “You mean the world to me, you and the children. You do know that don’t you? When I thought you were dead –”

  Tristan silenced her, placing a finger on her lips, “We’re not dead.”

  A thrill went down her spine once more as he leaned into her, kissing her forcefully. His arms curled around her, his hands gripping her to his body. Lily let her fingers curl into his hair, wanting to be closer, wanting to be able to hold him like this forever, kiss him like this forever, wanting him. Their lips broke apart and she rested her forehead against his as his hands wandered a little too far. There was teasing and then there was torture.

  “It’s late, we both need to get
some sleep.”

  He laughed against her neck, “You think I’ll be able to sleep?”

  ~

  Roselyn smiled to herself as she heard the meet room door open once more. It had been a while since she’d heard Lily and Tristan reconcile, then disappear off to find somewhere more private to finish what they had started. There was a pause as, she assumed, Lily checked on the children, before she appeared at the cabin door. She had a faraway look on her face, and seemed to forget that Roselyn was there for a moment. She slipped out of her rather rumpled clothes and into her nightshirt, before climbing into bed beside the assassin.

  Lily narrowed her eyes. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  Roselyn laughed, unable to stop herself. “I’ve never seen a love like you two. One minute you’re at each other’s throats and the next you’re near tearing each other’s clothes off.”

  “We like to keep everyone on their toes. Besides, no love is the same. It never happens the way it does in fairy tales, sometimes you don’t realise it’s there before it’s too late. There is no such thing as the right way to fall in love, nor the wrong way, there is only the fall.”

  Roselyn thought about what she’d said. So apparently Lily and Tristan’s romance hadn’t been clear cut from the start. And if that was the case, how did they know it was love? “When did you –?”

  Lily seemed to understand what Roselyn was asking without needing further clarification. She smiled again, reminiscing. “When he saw the marks on my back and still looked at me in the same way.”

  Roselyn thought of those cruel lines on her back. She’d seen them a few times, when Lily was changing. Clearly marks from a whip or belt. Her entire back was ruined, scored like a hunk of meat, the flesh jagged and broken where it should have been smooth. “How did you get them?”

  Lily’s eyes widened in the gloom, “You noticed them, and didn’t say anything?”

  Roselyn shrugged, “We share a cabin, of course I saw them. It didn’t seem my place to ask.”